PEOPLE IN MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO HOOK UP WITH
IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER
TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES

Well, in preschool/kindergarden, James would be desperate for something to make fun of me for, so he'd make up crushes for me. They were: Weston, a redhead whose name I can't remember, a blonde whose name I can't remember, and Trevor, although there were two at the time and he never specified which one.

In fifth grade, my sister wanted me to marry her friend's little brother, Bryan. She'd already gotten me to agree to "relinquish" my right to choose my husband to her.

Hannah and Ashley wanted me to hook up with Jesse.

Then, in middle school, Gabrielle and Hannah collaboratively decided I should marry Derek because we both used Apple computers. Apparently that is sufficient grounds for a substantial relationship.

Then Gabrielle switched to Weston, an opinion which did not last long.

Hannah wanted me to hook up with Jordan. My sister did too.

Then Gabrielle and Jordan wanted me to marry Ben, because not only does he use Apple, but he's also very tall and skinny while I am very not and that is, apparently, entertaining. Which, apparently, is sufficient grounds for a substantial relationship.

Meanwhile, my sister wanted me to marry Daniel Radcliffe. Which I was, admittedly, totally okay with. But in my own defense, I was also perfectly okay with her retraction of this opinion.
I know I said she wanted me to hook up with Jordan, but that was her practical dream for my life, and this was the absurdly unrealistic one.

After we'd parted ways at high school, Hannah and Catie both said I should date this new boy, Michael, who liked the Beatles. Apparently that is also sufficient grounds for a substantial relationship.

Hannah later revised this observation because he swore too much, and proceeded to set me up with his friend. We sorta played along for laughs, but it stopped being funny when it turned out she really had a crush on him.

Sophmore year, everyone thought I was already dating Jake, so no actually one suggested it.

Then something vastly different happened, and I was distinctly told *not* to date someone (Brendan).
Thank you, everyone who gave me that advice.
Not that I was even considering it, but still.

Then everyone told me I was perfect for this other guy. And I got offended every time.

I have a sneaking suspicion Galen tried to play a hand in setting me up with this one guy, but since I'm not 150% sure, I won't include him by name on the list.

Sometime around then, Heather from work said I should date Neil from work.
All time worst suggestion ever.

Miranda from work insinuated something about Kyle and Ian from work by jokingly referring to them (at different times, I think) as my boyfriend because she said they had crushes on me (which is nonsense, because I really don't think they did but then, isn't every case on this list nonsense?)

For a really, really short period, Gabrielle thought I should date Kaleb.

Then Gabrielle, Jordan, and Hannah all decided I would be cute with Stevo.

Then Gabrielle and Jordan went back to thinking I should date Ben.
Then they gave up.

Then I got a crush and everyone told me to "go for it" even though i don't want "it," whatever that might be. Dianne was especially supportive.

Then we got new owners at work and when that family took over, ALL OF THEM wanted me to marry Nate. They still want that. Robin introduces me as her daughter-in-law. BUT! I did get her to say that whoever I married would just become her son.

Then there was Dylan, who everyone either thought was my boyfriend or my brother. Which is just bizarre and creepy. The same person should not be mistaken for both of those things...

Meanwhile, Caroline, who isn't part of the family, wanted to hook me up with a guy whose name I don't remember but I remember he was excited for that organism video game to come.

Then Debbie said I should marry Raymond, and after we had a joke going about that for a while, Jill confessed that she thought we'd make a great couple.

Then I said this one customer was cute and Raymond called him my "boyfriend" after that.

Now, he calls one of our regulars my boyfriend. That poor guy. I don't really mind them teasing me, but there's no reason to drag in the regulars...

Then we got a new baker, Karen, and that didn't last long, but after finding out I don't have a boyfriend, I heard her telling Debbie she wanted to introduce me to her son 'cause we'd be really cute together.

Then I found out I needed to get over my crush. Now Dianne wants me to "hook up with the [identification censored for the sake of his privacy] guy"

Then Heather said I should date her boyfriend's brother.

Some of my orientation leader friends wanted to set me up with this guy that I thought was super cute. His name was Morgan.

This guy I hadn't even met wanted to call his friend and set me up with him. Part of me is really glad he couldn't come, part of me was really curious...... But I found out it was going to be Kristov, and that would have been hilarious.

My sister (and some of her friends) want to set me up with this other guy named Justin who actually sounds really cool